A little musing…

Lipstick

That is my life now. Ever searching for the perfect shade of red lipstick, which I’m convinced will drastically change my life. Learning more about and loving my Texas life, and embracing a cultural heritage I was denied for the first 20 years of my life, becoming a Latinx de Tejas with the new chingonas I’ve been fortunate to meet. Surviving and thriving and fueling aforementioned adventures via gorgeous coffee roasted with care and the OMG I am dying cups of cheap office junk in between.

Lipstick, Tejas, Coffee.

There’s other silly things. There’s trying to get my dog to the vet without completely ruining my weekend plans. There’s trying to keep up with friends from home and here who tend to fall lower on the list than emails, and the new ones waiting to become friends who fall even lower below the never ending Outlook bings that rule my priority list. There’s that pile of dishes and that overflowing laundry basket, both of which I’m convinced have mastered cloning tech before we even realized they weren’t actually inanimate objects. My closet full of things that don’t fit me anymore and the gym pass that’s sitting around unused while that pile of ‘stuff I’ll probably never wear again’ grows and grows and grows…

But I’m trying this zen thing where I get back to basics.

Lipstick, Tejas, Coffee.

Oh but come on, Lipstick, Tejas, Coffee? Those are your priorities?

You bet your internet ass they are!

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The constant pursuit of a red lipstick that will stay on through kissing my beautiful girlfriend in passing and in passion, last through dinner with the friends that I finally got on the calendar, stun and slay through selfies with the new friends I’m meeting because I tore myself away from Netflix and left the house, and hopefully doesn’t leave me so broke that I can’t afford to shower my dog in treats and pricey dog food (btw wtf why is that so expensive) and which shade exactly will make me look like a power woman at work without looking ridiculous in my business casual office.

You could say it’s woven into my life decisions a little bit.

And good ol’ Texas? Well…Texas-3

Tejas is obviously important. I live here, I love here, I work here, I play here, and coincidentally I almost never leave Austin. I went to San Antonio once when I was a kid (but I lived in Missouri at the time so I don’t think that counts), a quick day trip to Dallas spent in the convention center doing Earth Day things, and last weekend, a lovely day in Wimberly.

Do y’all understand how big Texas is? It’s really really really big. And beautiful. And pretty cool. So seeing more of it is a major priority. I mean for crying out loud, I’m a Texan hipster queer who’s never been to Marfa. That’s pretty silly.

But on a deeper note, Texas has brought me to who I am, kicked me around a little and made me grow up, played backdrop for falling in love and building my family, coddled me with warm summer afternoons at Barton Springs and shocked me with the hostility of my identity being a political debate. It is becoming woven into the fiber of my being, and as I journey into adulthood (*GULP*) getting to know it seems inevitable and important.

And a little more on Tejas… I’ve learned so much about being a Latinx American person here. I’ve passed as white my whole life and just accepted that I would never really understand my culture past the stories my dad and my Tia told me of deep traditions with no roots in the white suburban wasteland I grew up in. Then I moved to Tejas, and everything was in Spanish. Mexico was all around me, MEXICANS were all around me and suddenly my culture wasn’t a story anymore, it wasn’t just someone else’s distant lived experience, it was tangible and spicy and warm and fraught with injustice and embedded with a joy of a culture that I could actually experience. It’s something I’m immersing myself in, learning to be a Tejana Chingona, not just some girl with a Mexican last name.

And coffee?

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Oh come on. Do I have to get into that? It’s my enabler, my drug of choice, my socializing and deep talks with friends, it’s getting work done and actually living life rather than retreating into bed with a steaming bowl of depression and anxiety soup. It’s Saturday morning with the girl I love, a touch of sugar and milk, it’s productive Monday mornings, black and strong and staking my claim on the corporate map. It’s fueling the fire within my bones to fight for the right to be a queer, latinx woman, refusing to sit back and accept things that should be better.  I love you, coffee 😀

That’s what I’m made of. That’s my life. These are my choices. This was my ramble.

Lipstick, Tejas, Coffee.

Thanks for reading ❤

-KP